


but it’s so easy in this blue

by ghostlypup



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Communication, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, i’m truly a whore for communication what can i say, lil bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:54:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22422160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostlypup/pseuds/ghostlypup
Summary: He walks quietly over to their bedroom and cracks the door open slightly. Eliott is laying more or less how he left him this morning, except he’s migrated to Lucas’ side of the bed. Smiling softly, he sneaks in and closes the door. He rounds the bed until he’s sat on the edge of Eliott’s side, flicks the bedside lamp on, an orange glow pooling around the room and then opens the small paint samples.Or, Eliott isn't feeling well and Lucas has an idea on how to cheer him up.
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 23
Kudos: 269





	but it’s so easy in this blue

It’s been a week of feeling like he’s not doing enough. A week of careful glances, of gentle, fleeting,  _not sure if this is enough or too much_ touches, of feeling trapped in the dark. He’d watched as the light dimmed in his eyes, as the smiles started to droop, as night time went from 10 pm to 6 pm, as morning never seemed to exist. 

But really, the hardest part isn't that he never really knows what to do. It's knowing that no matter what he does, nothing really helps. Nothing can take away the ache he must feel in his gut, the fog he must feel in his head. He knows it’s not personal. He got over that pretty quickly. But the guilt shifted more into anger; dark embers at the back of his spine that want to scream  _this is unfair._

Every time Eliott slumps into this state he wants to grab both of his shoulders and shake him and tell him that  _you don’t deserve this._

He’s aware Eliott sees it.

“If not me then who else Lucas? It’s always got to be someone.”

It was whispered when Eliott had been teetering on the edge of sun and cloud.

”I know I don't deserve it, but neither does anyone. It is what it is.”

It wasn't what he meant, that his suffering should be someone else's. But he had dropped it and instead hugged him tighter from behind— a week's long distance seeping away between their bedsheets.

But now it’s back again, and Lucas wants to scream again until his voice goes hoarse, until somehow, magically, Eliott is happy again.

It’s not how love works. He knows that. Lucas can’t take on his pain, the same way Eliott can’t take on his. But he wishes, so deeply that he would stop feeling like he’s looking at Eliott through glass when he’s like this; like his love can’t penetrate through and Eliott feels like this unreachable dream.

He decides to home a little earlier. He opens the door to the flat and is met with overwhelming quiet. It’s sunnier than the past week has been so there’s a blanket of warmth and golden spread out over the apartment. Lucas hopes Eliott can feel it.

As he’s talking off his shoes, he spots the small paint pots.

They’d brought them when they were out shopping for random bits of furniture; stuff that they needed that weren’t gifted by Eliott’s parents or Mika and Lisa.

_“I want something dark, maybe green.”  
_

_“Green?” Lucas grimaced at the suggestion.  
_

_“Yeah, like forest green.”  
_

_“Absolutely not.”  
_

_“Why?”  
_

_“Green is an ugly colour.”  
_

_Eliott wrinkles his nose. “Is not. It’s nice, reminds me of springtime. All hopeful and promising.”_

_Lucas stops. “How do you manage to romanticise everything?”_

_“It’s the only way to live.”_

_Lucas smiles. He eyes then flick to a deep, navy blue._

_“What about this one?”_

_“Blue?”_

_Lucas nods._

_“That would look nice.” Eliott nods, flicking the paint sample over in his hands._

_“Kind of reminds me of home.” Eliott turns slightly._

_“Yeah?”_

_Lucas nods. “It’s what I used to have on my walls at mum’s.”_

_Eliott’s smile turns bright. “See.” Eliott puts the paint sample in their basket._

_“What?”_

_“It’s easy to find romance in everything.”_

Love always seemed to come easier with Eliott, the more he thought about it.And they ended up getting a range of dark blues; all of them looked the same to Lucas but he didn’t say anything.

So he stands in the doorway, paint samples in hand and he has an idea. 

He walks quietly over to their bedroom and cracks the door open slightly. Eliott is laying more or less how he left him this morning, except he’s migrated to Lucas’ side of the bed. Smiling softly, he sneaks in and closes the door. He rounds the bed until he’s sat on the edge of Eliott’s side, flicks the bedside lamp on, an orange glow pooling around the room and then opens the small paint samples. 

He’s borrowing one of Eliott’s art brushes and silently hopes that he doesn’t kill him for using it. He never knows the ins and outs of all the technical arty stuff Eliott uses. But he dips the brush in slightly and then starts swiping it over the cream walls. 

Once he’s finished all three samples he leans back slightly. They’re messy, a bit lopsided and Lucas cringes a bit. 

“Lucas?” Lucas turns his head. 

“Hey,” he carefully puts the paintbrush on top of the empty can. “How are you feeling?” 

He knees over the bed until he’s sat cross-legged next to where Eliott’s lead. He leans over and gently brushes a piece of fringe that's fallen in Eliott’s eyes. On the corner of his cheek is a faint imprint from where the pillow had creased, and so he brings his hand down to lightly smooth his thumb over the lines. Eliott sighs into his palm. 

”Oh shit.” 

He quickly takes his hand back as he realises there's paint on his hand, and he’s managed to smudge a faint blue streak across the side of Eliott’s face. He laughs through his nose slightly. 

“What?” 

“Um, nothing.” Eliott frowns and so Lucas raises his hand to show the blue smudges. Eliott’s frowns further, but then turns his face and spots the awkward painted squares. 

“What is that?” 

Lucas smiles, leaning over to look at them as well. “It’s my artistic interpretation of the ocean.” 

Eliott’s got confusion twisting all around his face, and he wipes his eyes, rubbing away the sleep as he raises himself on his arms. “I— what?” 

Lucas laughs again, and then takes his non-paint covered hand and runs it back through Eliott’s hair. 

“I’m kidding, it’s the paint samples we got. Remember?” He smooths out the creases under his eyes. “What one do you like?” He asks softly. “I think I like the middle one the best.” 

Eliott looks back at the squares and then looks back to Lucas. He then moves over to the other side of the bed slowly, sitting in front of the wall. Lucas watches his back, gently rising and falling as he breathes and looks as his shoulders hunch, like they’re carrying the weight of the world. Lucas breaths in. 

“I think I like the left one better.” It’s small and quiet, something close to a whisper. But it’s the most words he’s heard him speak all week and it feels like coming home. 

“Oh yeah?” He climbs over to him, sitting on his knees behind him. Gently, he smooths his hands over his shoulders before wrapping them around his chest. Lucas hooks his chin over his shoulder, turning slightly so his words fall into Eliott’s neck. “We’ll go with that one then.” 

“Really?” Eliott turns into him slightly. 

“Yeah.” He squeezes his arms a bit tighter. “You are the artist in this relationship. We could’ve painted it bright pink for all I care.” 

He then sees, and more importantly feels Eliott’s smile; his cheeks rising and brushing against his. The sound fills Lucas’ chest and spreads like honey, and it makes him feel so light he could float. 

But it’s almost as he smiles, that he feels Eliott’s body deflate just as quick. Lucas feels his stomach tense underneath where his hands lay flat against his ribs. 

“Lucas, I-“

“No.” Lucas shakes his head, burying his head further into the slope of his neck. “It’s okay.” 

“No.” Eliott tries to shrug him off but he keeps a hand light on Eliott’s shoulder anyway. Eliott doesn’t move it. “We were supposed to do it together.”

Lucas smiles a bit. ”We did,” he runs his hand over Eliott’s arm. “You were there the whole time.” 

“Yeah, asleep.” 

“So? I don’t mind, you were there—“ 

“But  I  care, Lucas.” Eliott sighs, and shoves Lucas’ hand off, letting his head fall into his hand. He hears him sigh heavily, the sound weighing heavy on his heart. ”God, I fucking hate this.” 

_This_ is the hardest part. 

“I feel like all I’ve done since we’ve moved here is fucking sleep.” 

“It’s normal, though.” 

“ _Normal_ ,”  Eliott spits out. 

“Yes, Eliott.” He brings a hand to the back of his neck, squeezes it slightly. “Change is hard for you, so it’s normal to feel like this, for  _you_ to feel like this.” 

Eliott’s silent for a while. 

“Please be kinder to yourself, Eliott.” He whispers, resting his chin on his shoulder. Eliott always has a habit of making himself small when he’s like this, like he’s untouchable. Lucas always manages to break through. “I hate seeing you like this.”

“Yeah, well. It isn’t exactly easy to go through it either.” 

“I know,” Lucas replies, quietly. “I didn’t mean it like that.” He says after a pause. 

Eliott raises his head again on a long exhale, his eyes coming up to look at the wall again. 

“I’m sorry.” His eyes close. “That was mean.” 

Lucas shakes his head. ”It’s okay.” 

Eliott turns his head to Lucas, looking at him for a while. He leans in after a second, presses a short kiss on Lucas’ mouth. Lucas lets out a short surprised noise, coming up to hold the back of Eliott’s head. 

“I just wish I could help you more.” It comes out sadder than he intended it to. 

“You do help me.”

Lucas laughs slightly. “I don’t feel like it, though.” 

Eliott lets out a small protest at the back of his throat. Pulling back, he takes the hand Lucas has wrapped around the back of his head and takes it between his hands. 

“You help me in more ways than you even realise, Lucas. Just because you can’t fix me doesn’t mean you can’t help me.” 

He wipes Lucas’ fringe away from his eyes, and he wasn’t really aware he’d started crying until he blinked and felt the coolness on his cheek.  So dramatic,  he thinks, somewhere in the back of his head. He laughs, wiping it away, but Eliott is just as quick to knock his hand back and catch it with his thumb instead. 

Eliott takes Lucas’ face between his hands. 

“Just the fact that you’re here is enough for me. Alright?” Eliott places a kiss to Lucas’ forehead. Lucas smiles and nods, coming down to rest his head on Eliott’s shoulder. Eliott twists to accommodate him, bringing an arm to wrap about his shoulders. 

“You feel better?” He asks after a while. 

“Yeah, actually.” Lucas closes his eyes and smiles. 

“I don’t want to fix you, you know. It’s never about fixing you. You’re not broken.” Lucas says. Eliott squeezes him tighter. 

“I know.” He whispers, dropping a kiss to the crown of Lucas’ head. The hardest part, Lucas thinks, is knowing that they will have this discussion again at some point. But it’s fine because they’ll talk, and talk and talk until the love seeps out and smooths over the cracks of insecurity and doubt. He’d take that over silence any day. 

“You know, I actually like the middle one more now that I’m looking at it.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Mhm,” he turns, rests his chin on the top of his head. “It’s the closest to your eyes.” 

Lucas groans. “God, you’re awful.”

Eliott laughs and Lucas can’t help but laugh too. Laughs until his sides ache and his heart feels less heavy.

“Oh, Lucas.” Eliott sighs. 

“What?” 

“Please do not tell me you used my paintbrushes.” Lucas smiles, shoves his face into Eliott’s shoulder. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!!! this was inspired by a post i saw on tumblr, i would link it here but i am Dumb and don’t know how to do that 
> 
> however, you can find it on the ficpost i made on my tumblr :-) 
> 
> hope you enjoyed it!!! 
> 
> my tumblr is mauuvelesbian :’)


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